Bush Nominee Judge Alito Takes Hard Stance on Strip Search

Washington, DC (APE) – Judge Samuel A. Alito defended his stance on the rights of law enforcement to conduct strip searches. Critics have immediately zoomed in upon one of his past decisions in which he supported Law enforcement’s position, as well as his controversial stance on Rove v. Wade.

“I’ve said it before, folks, and I’ll say it again”, Alito stated, “I share the dislike of intrusive searches, but these are terrifying times that we live in. It’s a sad fact that drug dealers, and terrorists sometimes use children to carry out their crimes and avoid prosecution. We must use our constitution as a way and means of protecting everyone.”

In a show of support to Alito, his family agreed to a strip search by Secret Service at the White House, and actually agreed to pose for photographers afterwards. No contraband or explosive devices were found and they all felt that the agents conducted themselves in a totally professional manner. Joking afterwards, Alito admitted that there was no warrant issued for this search, but that if their had been, it would have been read in a commonsense and realistic fashion.

White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “We’d like to thank Judge Alito’s family for their spontaneous exhibition. We think this will go a long way towards dispelling Liberals’ attempts at framing “strip searches” by officers as slavering voyeurs gratuitously disrobing a mother and her children.”