(UCS News : Washington D.C.) President George W. Bush announced the resignation of his Chief of Staff Andrew Card. The long suffering Card has been with the President since he moved into the White House in 2001. While many Republicans have demanded the President “shake up” his staff, both he and Card deny outside pressure is the reason for the split. Speaking to reporters Andy Card stated emphatically “Really! I want to spend more time with my son…. in the garage playing guitar and smoking pot with his friends.”
Card will be replaced by Joshua Bolten, the White House Office of Management and Budget Chief who had been a deputy chief of staff. Bolten who has overseen the creation of the massive Bush deficits is well qualified to help ruin the country for the next three years. Andy Card was asked to clean out his desk and leave the property immediately. The extra security was required to insure Card did not walk off with the almond scented Presidential soap for the staff wash room.
A native of Holbrook, Massachusetts, Card and his wife Kathleene have three children and four grandchildren. In preparation the move out of the White House Card had already asked his son to “lay in a keg, fire up the bong and call up is band-mates” Andrew Card Jr. is the base player for a “garage rock” band The headless Republican Meat Puppets. The band has been playing club dates in Virginia for several years but has no real prospects for success nor the desire according his mother Kathleene Card.
Before his retirement the black vinyl lazy-boy in his three stall garage, Card was known to have headed the White House Iraq Group (WHIG), whose members include Karl Rove, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Condoleezza Rice, Karen Hughes and Mary Matalin. This group is known for controlling public relations for the Iraq War. It is failure of this effort that may have set Card on the path to resigning.
Some close to Card suggest the Presidents shockingly bad poll numbers and failure to deliver any meaningful domestic policy caused the resignation. Others claim the mounting war dead and huge deficits caused the split. Even others blame the Plame Gate affair and or the medicare Part “B” debacle.