Bush Receives Chilly Welcome from Public and Returning Congress

Washington, DC (APE) – In a symbolic gesture that does not bode well for an embattled White House, President Bush was yesterday subjected to a spontaneous symbolic gesture in which he was doused with a Kool-Aid container by a seemingly supportive crowd of well-wishers. Many felt that this demonstrated a symbolic rejection of the rosy outlook that the White House continues to put forth in regards to the Iraq occupation, the president’s failed immigration leadership, and his recent rescue of convicted perjurer and White House counsel Scooter Libby. The President and Congress return to Washington today after a fragmented Fourth of July holiday which was headlined by an incredible display of fireworks across the nation over Mr. Bush’s pardoning of Libby.

“Nonsense,” stated White House press secretary Tony Snow. “This is just another, “Mission Accomplished moment,” and long overdue, I might add. It’s just a long-standing tradition that the coach gets soaked after the victory. The midterm report coming up next week will bear this out. Sure, the report card is likely going to show mostly F’s and a few D’s in regards to the surge strategy, but they’re high D’s and F’s. This president has made a career of pulling up low grades at the last minute.”

The president will apparently faced stiffened resistance from Congress, as Senate majority leader Harry Reid has vowed to continue reintroducing bills geared towards forcing the president to redeploy troops and bring them home ultimately. The House of Representatives is determined to continue pursuing subpoenas in its ongoing quest for accountability from the Bush administration in regards to any number of growing political scandals.

“We’ve got to consider what kind of message this sends to our enemies both foreign and domestic,” countered Snow. “The recent revelations of the involvement of physicians in the failed terror plots in Great Britain should give people cause for concern. It appears that there are now very real reasons to fear going to your doctor. Homeland Security has undertaken a massive investigation into the possibility of the American Medical Association’s involvement with terrorist organizations in expediting visas for foreign physicians and potential terrorists.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who just this weekend was warned of possible competition for her seat by antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan, stated that “any number of options are now being put back on the table in dealing with this criminal administration, including impeachment, which is receiving some surprisingly good polling numbers lately.”

“We simply cannot, for the good of this country, allow this administration to simply run out the clock,” concluded Pelosi. “We have not been able to make headway in our efforts to defund the war across the aisle. However, a considered approach of possibly defunding the executive branch is receiving good bipartisan support.”