Washington, DC (APE) – President Bush, notably absent from Washington, DC this weekend resurfaced today after a secret trip from Paris France, where he apparently underwent a partial face transplant at the hands of Dr. Jean-Michael Dubernard. Bush becomes the second person in history in rapid succession to undergo the groundbreaking procedure, and both patients appear to be doing well. The first patient who as yet remains anonymous had her face severely mauled by a pet Labrador earlier this year. Bush apparently suffered from long-term damage as a result of chronic substance abuse as a younger man.
Both patients were apparently the beneficiaries of partial face donations from anonymous donors.
White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “We have been following the president’s condition for quite some time and only recently did we begin to become concerned. The procedure was undertaken as much for national security as for cosmetic purposes. Psychologically the president has been suffering for some time in regards to staying the course in Iraq and sticking with some difficult choices in regards to interrogation techniques. It had come to the point where everyone agreed that the president was very much in need of more of a stiff upper lip. This administration and the country is deeply indebted to Dr. Dubernard for this landmark procedure.”
Dr. Dubernard maintained that the president has thus far made a remarkable recovery. Swelling has been kept to a minimum and the president appears to be tolerating the drug regimen designed to keep his body from rejecting his new face. Presidential aides voiced concerns over some contractures noticed around the lips, but were reassured by Dr. Dubernard.
Not much information is being released in regards to the president’s facial donor, other than to state that the person is elderly, rapidly approaching the end of his life, and has very little public contact and therefore in no need of a face on a regular basis. The donor is being maintained in a highly secured, yet undisclosed location.