WASHINGTON — In a move unprecedented in history, President Bush, yesterday, revoked the statehood status of Louisiana, throwing it into limbo.
Constitutional scholar, Kenneth Pascal, said that the President had that right, authorized by a rarely understood 1871 constitutional amendment.
In a short statement issued from the Oval Office, Bush said that he was taking the step to resolve repugnant problems to the nation attributed to that state.
” The ‘ Louisiana De-purchase’ will solve the Katrina fiasco, and save the country millions of dollars still obligated by FEMA to relieve that disaster…. and if the shoddy reconstruction of New Orleans’s levees by the Corps of Engineers fails in the next storm, it will not be our problem. It also will obliterate the sexual activities of the ”family oriented’ Louisiana Republican Senator, David Vitter, and the corrupt, bribe-taking Democrat, William Jefferson, and other embarrassments to our noble and upright Congress attributed to Louisiana politicians.”
Louisiana Governor, Kathleen Babineaux Blanco,welcomed the news
.” I am immediately issuing an order for the return of Louisiana State and National Guard troops from Iraq as they are no longer fighting in the name of the United States.” she said.
The fate of the former State of Louisiana is unclear. It may become a new country in the northern hemisphere, or may dissolve itself into nothingness and disappear. Fahd bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, King of Saudi Arabia, has expressed interest in having it become an offshore colony of his country. ” We have the oil, but could use it’s refining facilities'” he said.
Plans are already underway by entrepreneurs there to issue currency bearing the image of Huey Long,and designing a flag featuring the famous Louisiana hot sauce pepper.
Chinese companies are wondering how to remove one star from the U.S. flags they export, and London is planning to take over New Orleans’s famous mardi gras.
Mississippi is considering posting guards on its border with the ex-state to prevent an anticipated flow of refugees seeking asylum.