Bush, Rove Renew Vows

Washington, DC (K Street Journal) – In a very simple ceremony this week, attended by friends, families, and party officials, George Bush and Karl Rove renewed their vows to each other. The ceremony was a formal, black tuxedo affair that took place in the bowels of the underground White House bunker complex with the press excluded from attendance.

Officiating the ceremony was President Bush’s pastor of record Rev. Luis Leon of St. John’s Episcopal Church in Washington, DC. Scripture was read by the Reverend and then Bush and Rove exchanged personally written vows.

The couple had been in the news of late with the controversial accusations over whether or not Rove was involved with Scooter Libby in an affair with Valerie Plame. Rove vehemently denied any involvement to the president while Scooter Libby has been charged for his actions. When rumors surfaced, the president stated initially that anyone caught in the affair would be broken off with. Since that time, Bush has been noted to soften publicly in regards to his longtime companion and soulmate.

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated that the two felt that this would be a valuable public affirmation in light of the ongoing controversy over domestic spying and wiretapping and the American public’s concerns over rights to privacy. “This is a perfect example to all Americans of the degree to which privacy concerns and security can co-exist”, he said.

Notably absent from the ceremony were Condoleezza Rice, and first lady Laura Bush, both of whom were in Liberia attending the inauguration of that country’s first woman president.

In the vows, both pledged, among other things, their undying loyalty and commitment to each other.

The Reverend Pat Robertson, in attendance, stated, “It is touching to see two men so committed to each other as well as true conservative Christian ideals. I just wish that some of these misguided same-sex marriage advocates could have been here to see this.”

Republican Senator Rick Santorum, also in attendance, became noticeably emotional and somewhat teary-eyed. Speaking in relation to Mr. Rove he stated, “You’ve got to admire him. That is one lucky guy to be so close to such a great man as the president. They really were made for each other.”

The ceremony also served as a kickoff fundraiser for a Republican legal defense fund in anticipation of party leaders’ legal fees in connection with the unfolding Jack Abramoff scandal. While coffers have swelled with the return of millions in Abramoff’s bribes, Republican party chairman Ken Mehlman stated he was fearful that funds would fall far short if the American public’s awareness and outrage were to grow anymore. Mehlman expressed his congratulations to the pair and thanked Mr. Rove for his ongoing efforts to suppress this awareness.

Attendees danced late into the night at the reception afterwards, and dined on $100,000 a plate tripe.