Bush Says Troop Levels Bound by Faith

Wheeling, WVA (Rotters) – With his job satisfaction level falling even farther to 36% via a Newsweek magazine poll last week, President Bush appeared publicly for the fifth straight day, this time in Wheeling West Virginia, to plead for faith in his policies. Bush yesterday sought to answer critics complaints of a lack of clear leadership and plans in the war in Iraq by outlining his administration’s official policies. He spoke to a hand picked assembly of believers in a manner almost resembling an evangelical crusade.

Bush emphasized the fluidity of the situation in Iraq stating that initially the policy was to clear, reoccupy, and rebuild in conflicts with insurgents in Iraq. With funding misappropriated, wasted, stolen, or otherwise exhausted for the rebuilding aspect of the administration’s policies, Bush stated that America’s armed forces have been forced to clear, reoccupy, and hope as a next best strategy. Today, Bush rolled out what he felt would be a more positive and successful strategy which will be to clear, reoccupy, and pray, or “Pray for Victory” as he preferred to call it.

“It’s the Iraqi’s fight. Ultimately the Iraqi’s are going to have to determine their future. All we can do is pray,” he stated. “I would insist that in the coming years that all Americans take time out of their busy schedules at least four times every day to just face Iraq, kneel and pray.”

“They say that the Good Lord helps those who help themselves,” Bush stated, “And I’m afraid that we’ve helped ourselves to all that’s possible in Iraq at this point. It’s time to give up and let God.”

“Just thank God that I’m your commander in chief,” he said to a father with two sons in the military.

Bush stated that America was at a crossroads of hard choices, and that unless other funding appeared, the rebuilding strategy in Iraq was over, and that simple prayer would have to suffice from this point onward. Bush further signaled that he had not totally given up the possibility of rebuilding in Iraq and that the administration would be launching a “Pledge for Victory” campaign to the American public which would coincide with National Public Radio spring funding drives across the nation. “Americans will simply have to make a choice between supporting their troops and the country of Iraq versus a liberal defeatist propaganda outlet.” he stated.

Bush invited GIs and national guardsmen set to deploy in Iraq to come forwards and pray with him and accept a laying on of hands.

The administration today took credit for saving 36 American souls yesterday in West Virginia as well as three kidnapped volunteers freed in Iraq as a result of their new “Pray for Victory” crusade.

As a further show of support, Bush pledged to melt down the bronze bust awarded to him by the National Guard last month and have the mental reformed into bronze stars for anyone injured in Iraq in the service of America from this point onward. An administration spokesperson stated that it was hoped that this would bolster lagging enlistment numbers in the National Guard and armed services.