MADRID — Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a lightning stop here yesterday, intending to signal an end to the Bush administration’s diplomatic deep freeze of the Spanish government, but new tensions emerged over dealings with Cuba. Spanish officials were annoyed that Rice earlier this week criticized Foreign Minister Miguel Angel Moratinos for visiting Havana without her permission. Speaking to reporters as she flew here from Berlin, Rice reiterated those comments.

” I’ve just received orders from my President to let the Spanish government know that we are against their diplomats visiting Cuba, and if they continue, we have plans to stop them. The President told me that Cuba is our enemy. He said he doesn’t know the reason it is our enemy, and has ordered Karl Rove to find out why. He thinks it has something to do with Fidel Castro. His father, the first President Bush, told him, when he was eleven years old, that Castro was a bad man!”

A high ranking Pentagon official who requested anonimity when discussing sensitive matters, told Unconfirmed Sources that Bush is prepared to send the MAINE, one of our older battleships into Cuban waters, where, should it be attacked by Spain, he will immediately order an assault on Madrid, code named: ‘El Trueno y Despide.’ “

Upon hearing of the possibility of a war between Spain and the USA, Democratic Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, said that Congressional Democrats will send a polite non-binding letter to the President carefully and politely expressing our indignation.

Pelosi said, ” We are planning, if war with Spain is unavoidable, to ask the President to draft all Mexican males between 16 and 40, who are illegally in the USA, into the armed forces to fight the Spaniards. They speak the same language, and should there be many casualties among them, it will assist in resolving the immigration problem.”