Bush Signs War Funding Bill: Withdrawal Date Set

Washington, DC (APE) – Congressional Democrats and war opponents rejoiced this morning as President Bush, in a hastily arranged, petulant ceremony at the White House apparently accidentally signed a controversial war funding bill into law. The Pentagon reported that its internal communication network which supplies e-mail services to the troops in Iraq and their families apparently automatically shut down this morning due to the volume of troops and families communicating about prospects of returning home by fall.

“Mistakes were made,” insisted a visibly shaken White House spokesperson Dana Perino at a press conference afterwards. “For all intents and purposes the American public should understand that the president in actuality vetoed the abominable bill in question, and the war for American security will go on.”

Reports from those present indicated that someone had apparently inserted a cleverly worded amendment to the House bill which was approved late last night, in which a presidential veto would represent an endorsement of the legislation. In an effort to promote expedient political theater this morning, the bill was rushed to the president at the request of the White House without careful review.

White House counsel Fred Fielding was said to be crafting an immediate constitutional appeal which was requested by the Supreme Court. White House spokesperson Dana Perino also stated that a 12,000 page signing statement would be issued later today.

The president has refused to discuss the fate of staffers responsible for review of the legislation, a team effort reportedly headed up by embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.