Washington, DC (APE) – First lady Laura Bush today teamed up with radio pundit Rush Limbaugh to push for public apologies from both Michael J. Fox and Senator and former presidential candidate John Kerry. They announced that this would be the beginning of a campaign to bring truth in exaggeration to political discourse. While both acknowledged that Michael J. Fox did deserve sympathy for his suffering from Parkinson’s, and Kerry somewhat less sympathy for his ability to deliver a punch line, they accused both of attempting to manipulate emotions over very sensitive issues: Fox for politicizing the ongoing debate over stem cells, and Kerry for resurrecting the well-established issue of the president’s stupidity. Limbaugh and Bush spoke with a contingent of Fox news reporters.
“I think Mr. Fox, in particular could take a good lesson for my husband,” stated Mrs. Bush. “I understand the horrors and pain that go along with Parkinson’s disease, but there is a lot to be said for suffering in silence. Just like in George’s case, he knows he’s stupid, and he’s suffered from stupidity all his life. It has affected everyone close to him… but you don’t see him using it as an excuse and making a big deal out of it. It’s understandable why he might have misunderstood Mr. Kerry’s mean-spirited joke and thought that he was attacking our troops. But this doesn’t excuse Mr. Kerry for the inadvertent result of demoralizing those in the armed services during a time of war by pointing out my husbands obvious shortcomings. I think he still owes the troops an apology.”
The first lady had taken time off from a busy schedule of a planned redecorating of the Oval Office for the president, and appeared testy throughout the interview. It was rumored that she had spent the morning in an argument with a local interior decorating company attempting to cancel an order for new draperies.
“I’m sorry,” added Limbaugh, “But I can’t stand by idly and watch as our president is “Swift-Boobed”. We all know what Mr. Kerry intended to say, but that cannot be allowed to stand for the sake of our brave fighting men and women in Iraq. I stand by my insistence, that this is a slight to our troops and that Mr. Kerry needs to apologize.”