Bush To Head New Orleans Rescue- Weren't Things Bad Enough?


As if New Orleans hasn’t suffered enough, President George W. Bush has now announced that he is cutting a full two well earned days off his month long idyll in Crawford, Texas to return to Washington to personally supervise the rescue efforts. New Orleans officials have taken the announcement that the President is now in control of recovery efforts with palpable terror, asking what they’ve done that was so bad that they would deserve, on top of Mother Natures fury, George Bush’s intervention.

Forgetting the fact that White House Officials have long insisted that Mr. Bush could just as efficiently screw things up from his Crawford ranch as he could in Washington as a way of legitimizing his extensive time spent away from work, so there should be really no need for him to get back to DC other than to look like he cares, Mr. Bush nonetheless waved a cheery goodbye to Cindy Sheehan and ordered Air Force One to head due west at all possible speed to get to Washington DC so he could implement what is being called The Baghdad Plan for Reconstruction. Fortunately for the safety of the people of Los Angeles, the pilots were able to convince the President that Washington was actually east of Texas, so the plane was successfully turned around and then headed for the Capitol.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “No one, George Bush included, can look at the devastation along the Gulf Coast and not be moved to tears. All those damaged and destroyed Refineries and Oil Rigs…all those Pipelines. All those profits for his friends…Oh, God… I just can’t go on…”

Going on, Waterhouse said, “We’re sending the three National Guard Troops that aren’t in Iraq to New Orleans immediately to restore order. I think we also have a plane left as well to send, but don’t quote me on that. As an empty gesture of goodwill, we’ll be releasing oil from the Strategic Oil Reserves free of charge to the refineries that won’t be able to process it into usable fuel as those refineries aren’t working due to the hurricane. That one confuses even me, so don’t ask about it.”