Treasury Secretary Snow joined President Bush in unveiling “Salvations and Loans,” a new economic plan that relies heavily on the promotion of prayer and church attendance to stimulate the Second Coming and divine forgiveness of what otherwise promises to be a ten trillion dollar national debt.
Snow denied that raising the national debt ceiling by nearly a trillion dollars together with record trade and budget deficits was leading to a slowdown in the current economic recovery. “Sure, Americans are taking on record levels of personal debt, but that just indicates the high level of confidence they have in the future of the economy.” When asked about recent numbers indicating a growing unemployment rate, Snow pointed out that when people get more confident about the future, they re-enter the job market and begin to be counted in the jobs figures.
Snow agreed with President Bush that this new wave of confidence in the future of the American economy could only be attributed to the nationwide renewal of religious faith to which the unexpected results of the recent elections testify, and it was the government’s responsibility to do what it could to justify that faith. The new economic plan is designed to drive the US economy so close to breaking point that God will have to intervene on behalf of his chosen nation. Bush acknowledged that a catastrophic crash might precede the second coming, but insisted that the portfolios of the faithful were adequately diversified. “Jesus is all the hedge fund you need,” the president said.