CLICK TO ENLARGEAnnapolis, MD (APE) – President Bush today spoke to the midshipmen of the Naval Academy in Annapolis Maryland in the first of three planned speeches to begin reselling the war in Iraq to America. The White House hoped that the President by acting today would be able to beat the Christmas rush. Overall Christmas sales have been lackluster so far, after an initial rush of bargain hunters, so it is felt that the White House may have a good chance.
The White House also today released a glossy 35 page catalog of admittedly recycled and retooled merchandise in the hopes that this may also increase sales. The catalog features merchandise which is guaranteed to appeal to those in support of the war effort in Iraq as well as the positions and policies of the Bush administration. The centerpiece of the collection is a Christmas tree decoration kit which will allow the home user to have a tree just like that on display in the White House. Christmas celebrants will then be able to show their support for the administration’s definitions of interrogation.
Another hot item from the catalog this Christmas, promises to be an autographed copy of “The Code of Military Conduct” by Donald Rumsfeld. A must-have for any serviceman overseas, it includes triplicate forms for reporting any civilian abuses to higher command, and tips upon how to avoid personal intervention.
White House presidential assistant Karl Rove admits that he is the point man for this campaign. “Our goal,” he stated, “is it to push back against this “Liberal Conspiracy” and put Bush back into Christmas.”
Merchandise is available for cash or through the administration’s “Political Capital Card” Those using the Political Capital Card are eligible for a significant discount.