Golden, CO (APE) – President Bush yesterday revealed a top-secret program which he has taken a personal interest in developing over the last three years. The program was the result of three years of combined private sector efforts in research with the Department of Energy and a little known program whose primary goal was to introduce the concepts of intelligent design and faith-based initiatives into modern science. The administration now claims to be on the threshold of a deal which would produce an unlimited and renewable geothermal energy source turning America’s addiction to oil into a luxury that all Americans can afford.
Bush yesterday toured the deep underground facility with its primary administrator Stan Redman. Mr. Redman, an entrepreneur and a deeply religious individual, was described by the administration as an example of the future American businessman/scientist. The president stated, “This is a fine example of what happens when individuals are allowed the tools of a free-market and privatization without the encumbrance of government oversight. When you add in the freedom of the individual to bring in their faith and religious practices into the workplace, well… that’s how miracles occur.”
The president toured the facility for about 45 minutes with Mr. Redman. White House spokespersons stated that the president was said to be in awe of the sheer depth of the facility and the tunneling technology which allowed it to be possible. The visitors reportedly took approximately four hours to descend and the same amount of time to exit to the surface.
Bush then reluctantly admitted to reporters that the deal for Mr. Redman’s unlimited energy technology was incumbent upon the administration’s following through with the sale of America’s ports to Dubai. “I again say to Congress that I will simply be forced to veto any legislation that would halt or slow down this deal. There is simply too much to lose… the very soul of America is at stake here.” , stated Mr. Bush.