Bush Valentine's Day Massacre

Washington, DC (APE) – For the second time in a week, tragedy involving gunplay struck the White House. This time President George W. Bush accidentally shot entertainer Michael Feinstein in an apparent Valentine’s Day practical joke gone bad. Feinstein was entertaining for a Western motif Valentine’s Day party in the East room of the White House when he was shot by the president with a gun loaded with blanks. The gun was an historic Colt revolver presented to the president as a gift by avid presidential supporter actor Chuck Norris who was also in attendance.

Apparently the president was unaware of the dangers associated with guns loaded with blanks at close range. A similar incident resulted in the death of actor Brandon Lee, son of the late Bruce Lee. Feinstein was immediately rushed to Walter Reed Hospital where a hospital spokesperson stated that he was in serious but stable condition.

The White House described the president as very upset with the turn of events and very prayerful for Feinstein’s survival.

The incident occurred in an interaction between the president and Feinstein as the president was acting out a classic Hollywood scene in which the gunslinger forces the musician to dance at gunpoint.

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan insisted that the skit was a spontaneous attempt at humor from the president and angrily denied that the skit was planned as a way to defuse the impact of Vice President’s recent shooting incident. He declared that the Secret Service was handling the investigation in house, and likely the FBI would not be called in on a clearly accidental tragedy. McClellan again stated that the press was not informed of the incident until the White House could be sure that Feinstein was receiving adequate care. McClellan stated, “While Mr. Feinstein is currently in a coma, brainwave tracings show that he is in good spirits and actually joking about the incident.”