Bush Visits Iraq in Secret, Bin Laden Visits Ground Zero

Baghdad, Iraq (APE) – President Bush today paid a surprise visit to new Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and offered that the US would stay as long as necessary to secure the country. “When America gives its word, it keeps its word,” stated Bush. The president’s globetrotting photo opportunity comes but six days after Al Qaeda in Iraq terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in a US airstrike. After the president left Nouri al-Maliki vowed that a new security crackdown would be launched in Baghdad in which insurgents would be shown “no mercy”.

Bush remained in Baghdad for approximately 5 1/2 hours. Prior to leaving he made a detour to a secret facility in the area of the Baghdad airport and paid a visit to deposed dictator Saddam Hussein.

Hussein appeared to be surprised by the visit, and the former combatants spoke amicably through interpreters. Bush spoke with Hussein on various topics including strategies to unite Iraq and squelch Sunni and Shi’ite unrest. Hussein offered that he would be glad to discuss with the new prime minister some of his ideas and coach him on the concept of mercilessness.

While Bush was boarding Air Force One for his return flight to America, Al Jazeera released a photo, claiming that Osama bin Laden had today visited ground zero in an asymmetrical warfare coup. Sources stated that bin Laden’s visit was a complete surprise, even to his niece, Wafah Dufour, a model, singer, and actress currently living in New York. Bin Laden reportedly had lunch with her in an unnamed Mediterranean restaurant after his visit to ground zero.

Security around bin Laden’s visit was reportedly very tight, and the Al Qaeda mastermind spent approximately 4 hours in New York. It is rumored that bin Laden then left for Canada, but this could not be verified. Sources close to Al Qaeda stated that bin Laden was very pleased with the results of the attack on America and the progress being made in reverting America to a radical fundamentalist theocracy. Sources stated that bin Laden planned to release a tape at a future date.