Bush Warns of Bloody Summer for Reporters' Children

Washington, DC (Rotters) – President Bush, at a press conference yesterday in the White House Rose Garden, warned contentious reporters of a bloody summer in store for their children. Bristling at tough questions in regard to the Iraq war, the president singled out two reporters, implying that their continued questioning of his authority posed a real risk to their own children.

Bush even went so far as to produce a picture of the infant son of a Washington Post reporter, and insisted “your son is in danger, David… this is just a snapshot of the situation.”

Bush further stated in a press conference that the administration would be fully embracing the recommendations from the Baker commission report, and insisted that real progress had been made already.

“The American government needs to show more sacrifice in return for the support that this administration is giving Iraq,” stated Bush. “The Iraqi study group recommended a series of benchmarks for us to meet, and we must hold the Democrats to that before improved security, political reconciliation and governance can be set for the Iraqis.”

At the end of the president’s remarks, in an ironic moment, a dove with an olive branch was seen to swoop low over the president and leave a deposit on his left jacket sleeve. The vice president subsequently popped up from the cover of bushes and winged the bird with one shot. A Secret Service detail then wrestled the wounded bird to the ground, and took it into custody. The president was shaken by the incident but unharmed according to the White House.