” We’ve run out of chart on the low end.” observed Frank Kile, of CBS news. Our most recent poll of last week showed that 99.99% of those questioned disapproved of the way President Bush is governing the nation.”

“We had only one ‘ undecided’ vote and only one who approved of the way the President is handling the economy, global warming, the Iraq war, etc. We thought it would be interesting to interview the only person who was pleased with the President’s performance, so we sent a crew down to Foulcreek, West Virginia, to interview the person, Calvin Gooch.”
” We arrived at Mr. Gooch’s home, a dilapidated 40-year-old house- trailer covered with coal dust. Mr. Gooch, a coal miner, was seated on an old truck seat in front of the place spitting tobacco juice at his hound dog, and surrounded by numerous children.”
” Greatest President we ever had!” Gooch said, as his hound dog ran off howling after a tobacco slug hit him in the eye. ” I’m gittin’ my black lung treated, my kids are gittin’ a free grits breakfast at school, and my wife, Bonny-Sue, is larnin’ to read and write, all by; God bless him, George Bush!” Gooch spat a tobacco slug at one of the kids. ” Ain’t never had it so good.” he continued, “Of course it reely ain’t him. Jesus tells him what to do, and Jesus never ain’t wrong!”
When informed that he was the sole person to vote in favor of the president in the recent polling, Gooch responded, ” Them others, they prububly ain’t got no educashon!” STOP EATING THEM CATTERPILLERS!” He yelled at one of the younger kids.