Unconfirmed sources report that the FBI has discovered a plot by Republican Party operatives to use earthquakes to destroy heavily democratic sections of California before the upcoming midterm elections. The arrest of dozens of suspects and seizures of high explosives and seismic equipment has foiled the plot just as it started its initial phase. State geological officials believe these arrests should stop the current spate of California earthquakes.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Says Robert Tepel, of the Geohazards Committee of the State Of California. “The earthquakes we’ve had recently looked suspicious to us. We examined the seismic data and found some unexpected pre-quake events. We studied the data and found the quakes were man made. It’s a well know fact that the careful placement of high explosives can create earthquakes, we’ve just never seen an operation this sophisticated try to do it.”
The Republican plotters plan was to trigger earthquakes along faults that would cause the predominately democratic areas of Los Angeles and San Francisco to slide into the sea. With those two areas gone the Republicans would have a much better chance at winning California in the upcoming midterm and following presidential elections.
Our FBI sources indicate that the plan was actually working. The group was planting explosives in carefully selected ‘fault activation zones’ and triggering quakes in the target areas. The plan called for a long series of quakes building to a massive 10.1 quake that would have sent the two largest California cities into the sea.
“What a relief.” Says Orange County resident Eric Alexander. “These quakes really make you nervous. I’m just glad they caught the men behind them. I’ll sleep more soundly knowing that the threat of a massive earthquake in California has been averted. Those guys responsible should be shot.”
The gang of little known Republican operatives, many with links to the Bush family, are now in federal custody awaiting arraignment and transport to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba for further ‘questioning’.