California Legalizes Medicinal Sex; Expects $Billions In New Taxes


Claiming that sex provides physical and mental health benefits, the California legislature overwhelmingly voted today to allow doctors to prescribe sex to their patients and Governor Jerry Brown immediately signed it into law.

“Many Californians have been self-medicating for years and risk disease and imprisonment”, Governor Brown said in a statement. “Now we will take all of this evil poison from the streets and create the medicine of good health and vitality!”

Most cities and town have opened ‘sex clinics’ where single, unattached people can have sex with anonymous, licensed sex workers, provided they have a card granting them authorization from a doctor.

California has already legalized marijuana and supporters of the new law claim this is the logical next step.

“Everyone knows sex makes you feel good”, said California salesman Jeff Parisian. “When I’m having sex all the time my spirits are lifted, my aches and pains go away and I’m more productive!”

Los Angeles actor Larry Tish claims he has been using sex to heal a painful left shoulder. “The doctor asked me if anything makes it feel better and I said, ‘yes, sex’. So she wrote me a prescription for the sex clinics. Now my pain is cut in half and I have more freedom of movement!”

Doctors at local mental health clinics are now dispensing sex cards for their patients and claim many have even thrown away their medications.

Former patients Charles Bradley says he has discarded his depression medication in favor of the new treatment. “I’ve been depressed all these years and all I needed was to get laid! Now I’m smiling all the time!”

A new cottage industry has sprung up as former illegal bordellos have been converted into sex treatment clinics. Authorities cautioned that sex without the cards will still be illegal.

The state can expect billions of dollars in new taxes as tourists come from overseas for the medical treatments.