California to Legalize Marijuana


Californians are breaking out the munchies and soda. The California legislature passed a law this afternoon which would allow the recreational use of marijuana to anyone over the age of 21.

Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, D-San Francisco, said his bill will bring in hundreds of billions of dollars to the cash starved state in taxes and tourist revenue. He also said that this should help to alleviate the housing crisis as millions of pot smokers from around the globe will be moving to the free state.

California has allowed the medical use of marijuana for years but now it will be available for recreational use as well. Many California residents looked forward to purchasing their cannabis over the counter instead of on the street.

“It’s legal? Far out dude”, said Los Angeles stockbroker Josh Harrington. “That means I don’t have keep getting my ass kicked in East LA anymore.”

Despite the new California law, the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) states that it will arrest anyone in California who sells, cultivates, procures, uses or even so much as smells marijuana.

“I wil send DEA, ATF, FBI, CIA, SS and other agencies to California to prevent them from violating federal laws!”, declared ONDCP Director Edward Jurith. “I’m sick of those Californians with their frickin half naked ladies prancing about the beach wearing nothing but g-string thongs and smearing lotion all over their taught young bodies as they smoke marijuana to reggae music!”

Jurith says the federal government will institute a Bible giveaway program on the beaches and encourage everyone to cover up.

Ammiano said he will now draft a bill legalizing methamphetamines, heroin and cocain but does not expect as much success.