Cambridge, MA Police Not Racist; Just Pricks


(Cambridge, MA) After the incident involving the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Gates, Cambridge, MA police insisted today that they are pricks to everyone regardless of guilt, age, sex, national origin or color.

“We would have treated Mr. Gates the same way even if he was a regular white guy or even an old lady”, said Cambridge police commissioner Robert Haas. “If you mouth off to a Cambridge cop expect to have your ass kicked no matter who you are”.

Several Cambridge residents agreed with the police commissioners statement arguing that they have also been harassed and intimidated for no other reason that objecting to being arrested.

“I was just walking down the street”, said 26 year old Cambridge resident Nick Vachon. “Suddenly the cops surrounded me and started interrogating me. When I insisted I did nothing wrong they threw me in jail.”

Vachon later admitted he had been wearing a black leather jacket and hadn’t shaved for three days and this may have sent a red flag to officers that he was guilty of something. Additionally, he was walking through a predominantly black section of Cambridge.

“We pulled him over for his protection”, said police Sergent Bill Crisper. “If we hadn’t pulled him over something bad might have happened to him”.

Vachon insisted he was only two doors from his home and had lived there for several years without incident.

Miriam White, a local high school teacher also defended the officers actions saying she had been detained and questioned by police officers as she was exiting the grocery store.

“They asked me what I had in the bag and made me dump everything out”, White declared.

The Cambridge police are asking President Obama to apologize for telling them they are stupid.