New York, NY (APE) – A gigantic “Camel Spider Man” has reportedly been sighted swinging from buildings in downtown Manhattan over this past week, according to numerous police reports that the NYPD refuses to comment upon. This comes on the heels of a British family apparently having to abandon their home after their dog was killed by a camel spider which caught a ride aboard a British paratrooper’s kit from Afghanistan. Authorities refused to discuss the possibility that the camel spider problem has now crossed the ocean as well as, apparently, species here in America.
“I’ve got no problem with Camel Spider Man,” stated Manhattan resident MJ Watson. “If people want to call him a vigilante, well that’s their business. All I know is that this guy came out of nowhere when I was being mugged the other night, and spat in the faces of my assailants and scared them off. He was a big guy, and really fast… he was wearing a mask and this costume, but you could tell he worked out a lot. He had this hump on his back, it might have been a backpack… it was dark and I couldn’t tell. He might’ve been a soldier.”
The press was abuzz as to the identity of the Camel Spider Man, and everyone seemed to have opinions, coming in the wake of the press’s recently being burned by what turned out to be a phony Sasquatch.
Author Jerome Corsi claimed to know the identity of the Camel Spider Man, and supplied APE with an exclusive photo.
“What the government doesn’t want you to know,” stated Corsi “is that some of these indigenous camel spiders, and they’re not true spiders you know… these spiders from the Middle East have been affected by the overabundance of depleted uranium residue from American ordinance. Some say that the depleted uranium has genetically altered the spiders, and that a bite from one might indeed transmit rogue genetic material, imparting qualities of both the camel and the spider to its unlucky victim, possibly a returning G.I.”
NYPD urged residents to observe the same caution as they would in any other encounter with a costumed individual on the streets of New York. “Never take the law into your own hands,” stated a police spokesperson. “If there really is a Camel Spider Man, and I say if… if you think about it, that’s how this whole thing got started in the first place.”