Unconfirmed sources report that a new study by the Pew Center for the Press and the People indicates that CBS News is now just as bad as Fox News. The damning report comes after CBS completes its public hand wringing over the Memo-Gate affair, in which factually true but faked documents cast dispersions on the Presidents Vietnam dodging years in the Texas Air Nation Guard. “This is a sad F___king day for CBS News.” Said the outgoing news anchor Dan Rather.
“The numbers tell the story.” Explained Andrew Kohut of the Pew Center. “We asked ten thousand people what they thought about popular news media and then had them rank the most watched news sources for trustworthiness. The sad truth is CBS tied with FOX just below the supermarket tabloid The Weekly World News. For what it’s worth People magazine topped the rankings for the most trusted news source.”
“See! This is what I’ve been telling you jerks for years.” Said Sean Hannity, the infamous FOX News talking head. “CBS is partisan trash, just like FOX. It’s about time they just fessed up and went with it. That’s what we do and look where it’s gotten us. FOX News may be a slanted partisan rag that just repeats what the RNC sends over, but at least we are not hypocrites. Welcome to club Dan! You are just like us.”
David J. Pecker CEO of the Weekly World News’ parent company spoke proudly of their ranking in the new Pew study. “This just proves what we have known all along. People want a clear-headed unbiased look at the news and it’s about time people figured out that’s what we provide. The Weekly World News provides a More Fair and More Balanced look at world news that other so called ‘main stream’ news outlets like FOX and CBS.”
Officials at FOX have expressed a real determination to better CBS next time around. They say they are planning to actually add a spell check the Republican Parties talking points before they air them, they figure his is just he sort of tough journalism it will take to pull ahead of CBS next year in the trustworthiness ratings.