Unconfirmed sources report that the French people have demanded that the United States return the Statue Of Liberty. The French are highly pissed off over the re-election of George W. Bush and changes the Bush administration made to the statue during its’ recent ‘restoration’. The French have dispatched a navel fleet to pick up the statue igniting an international crisis.
“You can’t have her!” Shouted The President in a Rose Garden press conference. “She is ours now and no darn bunch of cheeky frog bastards is going to take her. We are gonna blow their navy to bits if they come near her. Bring it on!” The President’s head spinner, Ben Lion, later told the White House press corps that The President was in the middle of delicate negotiations with the French to diffuse the looming crisis.
The statue, which was completed on October 28, 1886, was a gift from the French people to recognize the bond between the two countries. The idea for the statue came during a party thrown in 1865 by Edouard Laboulaye. Laboulaye was a scholar and leader of the “liberals,” a group dedicated to establishing a French government modeled after America’s. “There is a genuine flow of sympathy between our two nations, France and America, they are two sisters of liberty.” Said Laboulaye. He then suggested the people of France give America a lasting memorial dedicated to the idea of human liberty.
“The American’s obviously don’t give a shit about liberty any more.” Said Anthony Las Cruces, a direct descendent of Laboulaye. “When they re-elected Bush and changed the wording on the tablet they told the French people and the world to fuck off. That is why I started a fund to raise money to take the statue back. The French people have raised all the money needed to send our fleet to New York to seize the statue, by force if need be. We feel this is the type of gesture we as free French citizens can do to show our feelings directly to the American people. We are coming to take her back you bastards.”
The ill feelings that have brought on this crisis did not arise overnight. The French people first started to be upset about The Statue of Liberty when the Bush regime changed the wording on her tablet. The changes where made to reflect new security concerns after the 911 attacks and concerns about immigration.
The original inscription on the tablet read, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”
It now reads “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free unless they are Arabs, Cubans, Haitians, democrats, enemy combatants, French, or any other person who is on Federal Watch List #C7-342.”
The United Nations has agreed to help the two parties negotiate a peaceful end to the growing international crisis, but neither party has expressed much interest in talking right now.