Cheney Joins Rumsfeld, Bolton in Resignation, Bush Announces Miers as First Woman VP

Washington, DC (Rotters) – In a hurried press conference early this morning, a tearful and angry George Bush announced that he had late last night regretfully accepted the resignation of Vice President Dick Cheney. He introduced his personal lawyer, and failed Supreme Court nominee, Harriet Myers as his selection to replace Mr. Cheney. Pending approval of Congress, Myers would become the first woman vice president in US history.

Cheney’s resignation comes in a tumultuous week for the Bush administration on the heels of last month’s resignation of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and yesterday’s resignation of United Nations Ambassador John Bolton, both long-standing touchstones of controversy for the president.

The White House refused to comment on the motivations for the vice president’s resignation, stating only that the vice president felt that “the time was right” to do so. An anonymous White House spokesperson suggested that there would likely be a leaked memo from the vice president in the next few days that could possibly shed some light on the president’s motivations.

Rumors immediately began circulating over the possible resignation of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice who was reportedly enraged over the appointment of Miers, feeling that she should have gotten the nod as the new vice president.

President Bush again lashed out at what he said were a handful of “partisan Democratic senators” who constantly questioned and obstructed the vice president on implementation of his plans for Iraq. “Their stubborn obstructionism ill serves our fortunes in Iraq,” stated Bush, “and their tactics will disrupt our cash flow at a sensitive and important time.” Bush went on to praise Mr. Cheney for his service to America and said that he would continue to rely upon him during key policy considerations, stating that he had done a “fabulous job”.

Bush then praised Miers as his selection to replace Cheney. “I never accepted the reality that she could not be confirmed,” stated Bush, referring to his controversial failed nomination of Myers as Supreme Court Justice.

Myers then thanked the president for his faith in her and pledged her continued loyalty and service to the administration.

Some analysts viewed the vice president’s departure as a symbolic tipping over of the chessboard, after having lost too many pieces within the last month. Some also interpreted Cheney’s resignation as the departure of the historic neoconservative influence over the White House, while others viewed it as merely a retreat to an underground bunker at an undisclosed location.