Baghdad, Iraq (APE) – The White House today announced that Vice President Dick Cheney indeed had made a surprise detour visit to Baghdad in support of the troops on the way home from his diplomatic mission this weekend to Saudi Arabia. In a hurried visit, bristling with security, the vice president reportedly presented the troops with the administration’s traditional poly-propylene turkey and engaged in some hunting along the Green Zone bordering Sadr City.
“It was a real trifecta for the vice president,” stated White House spokesperson Tony Snow. “He was able to do some brass knuckle diplomacy, demonstrate the administration’s commitment to the brave US peacekeeping forces in the Civil War in Iraq, and indulge in one of his favorite passions… all in the same trip.”
The White House refused to confirm rumors claiming that Mr. Cheney had indeed killed over 50 insurgents and terrorists within the course of two hours. They also vehemently denied reports that surfaced from local authorities that the vice president’s kills were as a result of the release of detained suspects from all over Iraq who had been brought in and forcibly released. All bodies were reportedly turned over to local authorities for observation of Muslim burial customs, but the vice president reportedly had some personal effects from each bagged and fresh frozen for shipment back to the US, where he planned to give them as Christmas presents to friends and relatives.
Mr. Cheney joked briefly with the reporter pool, as he climbed aboard Air Force 2 for his return to the United States. “How can you tell the difference between a terrorist and an insurgent?” asked a reporter. “That’s a good question,” chuckled the vice president. “It’s pretty easy, really… terrorists run and insurgents generally stay put… you don’t have to lead them as much.”