Unconfirmed sources report that Vice President Dick Cheney has been rushed to the hospital. Cheney is said to be undergoing a battery of neurological tests to find a cause for recent ‘delusional’ episodes as well as some longer term memory problems. Cheney is said to be resting comfortably at an undisclosed medical facility. Results of the tests are not expected to be released, ever.
“The Vice President, despite ‘recent statements’, is in full control of his facilities.” Says White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “He is in a secure medical facility undergoing a series of standard medical tests. There is nothing out of the ordinary going on here. I know there a stories floating around about his memory, and the memory of people on his staff, but there is nothing here, nothing.”
The ‘recent statements’ that many are puzzled over are answers to questions Cheney gave during a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer. Cheney insisted that “there’s been a lot of success” in Iraq. And “..we have, in fact, accomplished our objectives..”
“While I haven’t directly examined the Vice President I can say with surety that he has suffered a serious break with reality. “Says former Senator Bill Frist. “I’ve seen the tape and Mr. Cheney seems to be locked in a false reality of his own creation. I wish him and is family well and would like to extend my services to the President and country if Mr. Cheney does not recover.
The trial of Lewis Libby, the Vice Presidents former chief of staff, has uncovered an epidemic of memory problems in the Vice Presidents Office. There has been speculation that perhaps the water supply in the White House is tainted. The pipes in the White House are quite old and could be leaching lead into the drinking water. There is no other explanation for the terrible memory problems that have apparently befallen many members of the Vice Presidents staff.
The White House has denied that Mr. Cheney is in any serious danger. And has assured the public that he will be retuned to his undisclosed location very soon.