Cheney Shooting The Opening Salvo In The Program To Keep Conservatives In Line.

February 13, 2006

Dismayed with Conservative groups taking pot shots at the Bush Administration for everything from the budget deficit to it’s handling of the War in Iraq, the Administration has decided to shoot back. Vice President Dick Cheney’s shot-gunning of Conservative Texas lawyer and campaign donor Harry Whittington is apparently just the opening salvo in a new admittedly more dangerous phase of Republican Party politics.

Once marching in complete lockstep, the George Bush White House, Evangelical Christians and the Conservative wing of the Republican Party have recently been fracturing into various splinter groups intent on pushing their own individual agenda’s. Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney’s peppering of Mr. Whittington, a close friend and confidant, is a clear warning to those splinter groups that they’d better get back in line or risk the consequences.

The shooting came about as a direct result of Vice President Cheney’s appearance at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington DC. Mr. Cheney was reported to be incensed at comments made by Colorado Representative Tom Tancredo, who charged that, “It is the President who is out of step with his party.” Recently, Conservatives have been critical of Mr. Bush’s Warrentless Domestic Spying Program, out of control government spending, and immigration. Stung by the defections, the White House has decided to fight back in the only way they know how.

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Every Staffer has been brushing up on his target shooting skills and Bush has ordered a shooting range built in the White House basement next to the bowling alley. I’d like to see Phyllis Schafly bitch about immigration now, or that Dead Ender Tancredo complain about budget spending. Let Whittington be a warning to our base: We’re locked and loaded guys, so cut the crap. Anymore guff and you’re going to get the Ultimate Tax Relief.”

While some Washington observers fear that the situation may disintegrate further, with armed splinter factions representing Evangelical Christianity, Spending Hawks and Isolationists involved in pitched gun battles in Georgetown and on the Capitol steps, most agree that The Administration is better armed and far more determined to win any violent conflict within their Party and any real resistance will be put down before the 2006 mid term elections.