Cheney Solidifies Oil Sharing Deal on Surprise Baghdad Visit

Baghdad, Iraq (APE) – Vice President Dick Cheney made an unannounced visit to Iraq, landing in Baghdad early this morning as his first stop in a whirlwind Middle East tour to include Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Egypt and Jordan in an attempt to bolster flagging support for the US occupation of Iraq. Cheney met with Iraqi prime minister Nuri Al-Maliki in an attempt to persuade the Iraqis to conclude controversial oil sharing legislation before the parliament’s looming recess.

Cheney urged the Prime Minister to force through legislation over the objections of the Kurdish minority, who had recently signed independent oil deals over recently discovered deposits in their regions. He insisted that American patience was wearing thin over the lack of a profit sharing deal for the country, and the best course of action would be to leave the Kurds out temporarily, and subvert the region at a later date when political and military stability had been restored.

Cheney took the opportunity to criticize what he called continued congressional meddling in Iraq through Democrat’s efforts to bring US involvement to a close through defunding the occupation.

“These funds are desperately needed by the forces on the ground here”, insisted Cheney, “Micro-management and oversight are essentially the same thing in this fluid situation, and they’re simply not helpful. We will need to continue to throw good money after bad for the foreseeable future.”

A considerably lightened Air Force-2 is scheduled to depart at an undisclosed time late tonight.