CHENEY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF HIS ONE-HOUR PRESIDENCY DURING BUSH'S COLONOSCOPY


WASHINGTON- President George W. Bush thought he ‘temporarily’ handed his powers to Vice President Dick Cheney on Saturday morning while he was sedated for a routine colon cancer test at the presidential retreat at Camp David, Md., but Cheney took advantage of the hour during which he was the top man.

Briefly as President, while Bush was anesthetized, Cheney immediately issued decrees considered irrevocable by Congress:

1. Brown and Root, Blackwater, and Halliburton will be exclusively awarded all government contracts.

2. The death penalty is mandatory for any doctor, midwife, nurse, or other performing an abortion.

3. Any women having an abortion will receive a compulsory 11 year prison sentence and sterilization.

4. The Air Force has been ordered to immediately atom-bomb Moscow, Beijing, Pyongyang, Tehran, Caracas, Mexico City and Damascus.

5. Cancellation of the Endangered Species Act and encouraging sport hunting of those life forms formerly protected.

6. Awarding all oil reserves in Iraq exclusively to Exxon/Mobil.

7. Declaring Southern Baptist the official state religion of the United States.

8. Voiding the Constitution of the United States as archaic and obsolete.

9. Declaring President George W. Bush incompetent, unfit, unqualified and inept to remain President of the United States and thus, as authorized by the Constitution, (before it was abolished) the next in line to that office, the Vice President, to assume the Presidency.

After recovering from anesthesia, George Bush immediately challenged Cheney’s decrees, but Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, told the former President that they were all legal and irrevocable.

Dr. Thomas Westerly, who performed the colon scan said the former president would be billed $2,563 for the procedure since he was no longer entitled to free medical service paid for by the taxpayers.

In a formal ceremony on the steps of the White House, President Cheney took the Oath of Office, followed by the Marine Band playing ‘Hail to the Chief’.

A furious Former President Bush called upon Chief of Staff, General Peter Pace, to use military force to remove Cheney from the White House, but General Pace declined, saying he could only take orders from his Commander in Chief, President Dick Cheney