China Recalls Mattel

El Segundo, CA (Rotters) – Residents of El Segundo California were shocked to find this morning that the city’s number one industry, Mattel Inc., had been boarded up overnight with the entire contents of the factory under recall from the parent manufacturer, China. Toy analysts had expected further possible recalls after lead paint warnings in regards to about 1.5 million preschool toys, but most were unprepared and disbelieving of the action taken today by the Chinese government.

Rumors persisted that the recall was undertaken after it was discovered that Mattel’s traditional flagship toy lines of Barbie and Hot Wheels had been compromised. Chemical precursors for ethylene glycol, a poisonous compound used in anti-freeze had been found both in the Dental Hygienist Barbie playset, and throughout the entire Hot Wheels line in the tiny radiators of the popular diecast model cars. A spokesperson for Mattel who wished to remain anonymous refused to comment on whether lead had been found in the paint of the miniature cars.

“This was purely a business decision upon the part of the Chinese government,” stated the Mattel spokesperson. “We were faced with unfeasible recalls for the near future, and it was determined that it would be much cheaper to simply recall the entire company, given the degree of indebtedness of the United States which is sustained and underwritten by the Chinese. Our inventory here in El Segundo has been evacuated to shipping containers and is already making the transpacific journey for less restrictive markets. Mattel management is being offered what is considered a fair buyout of their stocks and retirement plans, and those who are interested are being offered transportation to China for possible reeducation or training in effective suicide techniques.”