Unconfirmed sources report that Republican businessmen from across the country are pleased with the nomination of Christopher Cox (R-Newport Beach) to head up the Securities and Exchange Commission. Cox has been chosen by President Bush to lead the SEC because he is uniquely qualified to ferret out corporate crime and fraud. Mr. Cox is an expert in the field having worked with renowned financial crook and convicted felon William E. Cooper, former head of the criminal enterprise First Pension Corp.
“This is yet another Bush master stroke in the game of political appointments.” Says Washington watcher Andrew Sullivan. “Cox it the perfect man for the job. His experiences working for con man Copper make him an excellent choice to run the SEC. I reject the notion that he is a fox gardening the hen house. While he worked closely with a convicted financial criminal, Cox himself was never found guilty of any crimes, and the law firm that employed Cox eventually settled investors’ claims against it in a top secret settlement agreement.”
“Mr. Cox has never gone to jail, at least for financial crimes.” affirmed White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “That means that he is almost over qualified to be a member of the Bush administration. The President has every confidence that Mr. Cox will do his duties at the SEC with all the poise and fortitude he has displayed in his past financial dealings.”
“He is our man.” Brags National Chamber of Commerce President Barry Smarmy. “He is a smart, well connected, guy who knows how to take care of business, if you know what I mean. He has his priorities lined up right and knows what is good for business is good for America.”
“I guess it makes sense.” Says Michael Aguirre, San Diego city attorney who dropped charges against Cox because suing a congressman is a tough thing to do in this country. “Cox sure knows his way around financial crimes and I think he will make a great chairmen of the SEC. Let’s hope he starts things off right, by investigating himself.”