Chuck Terzella Got It All Wrong Again

Dear reader,

Here at Unconfirmed Sources we take the concerns of our loyal fans seriously, well not really. Recently we received the following correction and we just had to share it.

Kamal El-Din
Editor/Publisher

Dear Unconfirmed Sources,

In the Terror Update 1 article. There would never be a “Bubba’s” Bar and Grill in the UP of Michigan.

Bubba is a southern corruption of the word “brother”. With the number of people who came to Detroit from the South to build cars over the years, you might hear of someone called Bubba where “Lowpers” (people from the Lower Peninsula) congregate.

“Yuppers” (people from the Upper Peninsula) tend to be from Finnish and Welsh miner stock. No one with any degree of sense would want to stay in a place where summer just lasts a month so that’s why they live there. Most bars there are called “Ed’s” because if they used last names, the sign would be bigger than the town. With the long and unpronounceable last names, everybody gets named Ed anyway. It is one of the few places where you can date someone named Ed and people don’t automatically think you are gay.

The people who live in the UP have their own vocabulary and pronunciations. One example is the word garage. They manage to pronounce that word like people in the rest of the country pronounce crotch. You can tell the difference because if a Lowper says something like “I hear you got kicked in the crotch by a deer.”, a Yupper will go check his DeSoto, eh? Another example is the word pasties. The rest of the country thinks those are the things a stripper wears over her nipples. To Yuppers, they are a cross between a meat pie and a sandwich.

Lowpers can visit the UP but only for a week in November for Deer Camp. The purpose of Deer Camp is to allow Lowper hunters to buy enough beer to keep the UP economy going strong for another year. Since the Lowpers don’t actually go into the woods to shoot deer, Deer Camp brings in enough money to keep the economy going without disturbing the real basis of wealth, those deer that the Lowpers never see.

You don’t have to have a passport to go to the UP but you do have to be able to explain the difference in pronouncing Mackinaw and Mackinac before you can come back. Let them A-rabs try that!

Henry