Unconfirmed sources report that the CIA has determined that “Azzam the American” is actually Karl Rove. An in depth evaluation of the tape indicates that the video was made in a supply closet in the basement of the White House. Election watchers believe this is Rove’s October surprise and they are very disappointed.
“Its Karl alright.” Confirmed agent ‘Smith’ of the CIA. “We looked at those beady little eyes and matching glasses with the help of scanning computer software and have determined that is guy on the tape is Karl Rove. The computer software measures facial geometry and compares it a photo of the possible subject. In this case we paid close attention to the distance between the terrorists eyes and the ‘beadiness’ of the eyeballs themselves. It was a dead on match with Mr. Rove. We also did a voice analysis and scanned a few other things I can’t disclose at this time. It’s him. I would say that Mr. Rove has some explaining to do.”
“What a bunch of crap.” Replied White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “Karl Rove would never do something like this. Karl is a fine upstanding guy who would never stoop to telling lies and making up fake information to win an election. Karl is a sweet and gentle man who, I guess, some people just misunderstand.”
“Azzam the American must be taken seriously.” Said wing nut William Sapphire. “Even if it is Karl Rove, Azzam is a real threat to America and we can’t just write it off as election dirty tricks. This tape really does illustrate why we need to go out there and kick some Arab ass. These people hate us, so we have got to wipe them out before they wipe us out. It really is as simple as that.
“Am I taking this seriously? Hell yes!” Said Secretary of State Colin Powell. “When Karl Rove tells you are ‘