Sturgis, SD (Rotters) – In a stunning upset in Sturgis, South Dakota, presumptive Republican First Lady Cindy McCain beat out all competition in the controversial 2008 “Miss Buffalo Chip” topless beauty contest. Mrs. McCain had entered the contest upon encouragement from her husband, Arizona Senator and presumptive Republican presidential nominee, John McCain. Roughly 50,000 bikers cheered on in appreciation as Mrs. McCain displayed her natural endowments.
The contest was not without controversy, however, as a fight broke out backstage between two apparently disgruntled fellow competitors who attempted to go after Mrs. McCain. They were reportedly wrestled to the ground and detained by Senator McCain’s Secret Service detail. The Senator himself reportedly lent a hand in subduing one of the contestants. “Those aren’t even real,” shouted the roughly 30-year-old blonde contestant whose name was not released. “She’s a f***ing celebrity!” Shouted the other contestant as she was dragged from the stage by the Secret Service.
“It was a sad ending to an otherwise wonderful visit to America’s heartland,” stated McCain campaign manager Rick Davis.”We have reason to suspect that one of the ladies who was detained was a plant, who in actuality, has a very successful online presence otherwise known as ‘The Obama Girl’. The bottom line is that Mrs. McCain won fair and square, and had a bead count 10 times higher than her closest competitor. The donation of 10,000 gallons of Anheuser-Busch’s best brew to the festival from the McCain’s had nothing to do with the outcome.”
“I’m just proud to death of this little lady,” stated an enthusiastic John McCain to the 50,000 screaming bikers, “My friends, she ranks right up there with Paris or Britney any day! You just can’t beat this kind of exposure!”