Cindy Sheehan Scares George W. Bush, Kathleen Harris Scares Me, And Jerry Falwell Scares Everyone…

Cindy Sheehan, Grieving Mother, National Threat:

Today is D-Day for Cindy Sheehan, the grieving mother of Army Specialist Casey Sheehan who was killed in the Sadr City section of Baghdad During the War of Error. Captain Kenneth Vanek of the McLeenan County Sheriff’s Department, bravely assisted by the United States Secret Service (who, by their actions today, may show themselves to be a different type of Gold Star Mothers), must decide whether or not to make good on their threat to arrest this brave and determined woman as a Threat to the President, which, by the way, George W. Bush has let her become by his cowardly refusal to meet with her or even get anywhere within five miles of him as vacations on his Crawford spread. The Cowboy in Chief apparently feels he’s already said everything he needed to at Ms. Sheehan’s and his previous meeting when he expressed his condolences to “Mom” for the loss of her “Son/Daughter/Husband/Wife/Loved One.”


Gosh, I Didn’t Mean To Offend Them Heathen Jewish Folks:

Radical Christian Conservative Imam, the Reverend Jerry Falwell, has back-peddled on a statement he made earlier that everyone in America, Jews, Muslims, Shintoists and worse, Democrats should “Vote Christian in 2008”. Saying that he meant no harm (which proves that he has a finely honed sense of the absurd) Imam Falwell said, “What I was saying was for Conservative Christian voters to vote their values, which are Pro-Life and pro family. I had no intention of being anti beanie baby or mud people at all. Not that it matters; after the Rapture, all those Christ Killers are toast anyway.”

Forget Gold Star Mothers, I’m The One Making History:

Kathleen Harris formally announced her Florida Senatorial Campaign modestly comparing herself to a NASA shuttle pilot, saying, “It was a historic day (Tuesday, August 9th) because one woman launched a United States Senate campaign an another woman successfully piloted the shuttle launch (sic) back to Earth.” Apparently, Ms. Harris has forgotten that Barbara Boxer, Lisa Murkowski, Blanche Lincoln, Dianne Feinstein, Hillary Clinton, Mary Landrieu, Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins, Barbara Mikulski, Deborah Stabenow, Kay Bailey Hutchinson, Elizabeth Dole and Maria Cantwell are all Senators, making the historic part a bit…well…less than. What is historic is that she’s the first female Senatorial Candidate that helped steal a Presidential election. Now, that’s a resume’