City Water for Port Hueneme, CA Now More Expensive Than Bottled Water


After its third rate hike in one year, the city of Port Hueneme (Pro: Why-knee-me) , CA has now raised its rates for city tap water so high that it is now more expensive than many bottled drinking waters.

The city has implemented a policy which charges $49.50 for the first one hundred gallons then a whopping $1.59 per gallon for each gallon used after that.

“The price has actually gone down!”, said Port Hueneme Public Works spokesperson Jason Gimme. “If you only use 99 gallons of water per month you will actually see a one dollar decrease in your monthly water bill”.

Gimme pointed out that water costs less than fifty cents per gallon for the first 100 gallons thus making it cheaper than most bottled waters.

Some Port Hueneme residents were unreceptive of the rates hikes. “If I flush the toilet five times and take two showers that uses up my 100 gallons!” complained Port Hueneme resident Gloria Martinez Rodriguez. “Then I have to pay $1.59 per gallon after that? I think I will go to the store and heat up some bottled water to bathe!”

Gimme pointed out that the city’s tap water is of better quality than most bottled drinking water. “Plus, you don’t get that nasty plastic aftertaste”, Gimme stated.

Gimme, with Port Hueneme mayor Jonathan Sharkey, gave some helpful water conservation tips to residents of the city:

* Don’t shower any more than once a week. And try to have as many people shower together at one time as possible.

* Stop flushing after every pee. Flush only once every third day if possible.

* Pee outside in a designated pee area, preferably not near the lawn as urea can ruin lawns.

* Don’t water the lawn. The natural marine layer that encompasses the city should be sufficient to keep your lawn green and luxurious

* Drink bottled water, soda or fruit juice after exceeding the 100 gallon limit.

Mayor Sharkey insists that if residents follow these simple tips they can avoid paying the $1.59 per gallon fee for each additional gallon of water used.

“I’m sorry that we had to raise water rates so high but it’s just that we pay all the town administrators six figure salaries and we keep giving ourselves huge pay raises and it’s getting tough to keep doing that without sucking some extra money from the taxpayer”, mayor Sharkey confided. “Oh, by the way, that’s off the record. Don’t quote me on that!”