Portland, OR (APE) – A day after an anonymous Democratic Party Official announced that Hillary Clinton was pursuing a “Tonya Harding” strategy for the party nomination, the Clinton campaign announced that Ms. Harding had stepped forward to offer her endorsement of Senator Clinton. The disgraced onetime Olympic figure skater and current professional women’s boxer made the announcement from her small mobile home in rural Oregon after meeting with former president Bill Clinton.
“She is the embodiment of Hillary’s campaign,” former president Clinton said of Harding. “I felt we had a lot in common in our ability to triumph through adversity. She is a real fighter who knows how to get in there and mix it up.”
“I’m just a redneck girl at heart,” stated Harding. “I love beer, pickups, and guns. Honestly, I think McCain probably is the guy I’ll vote for, but I’m not gonna stand around and watch this nice lady get picked on without a fight. Sometimes you have to arrange extreme measures to sort of even the odds.”
Oregon has an open primary scheduled for May 20th, and Harding has vowed to make appearances for Clinton in the state.