Clinton Shaves Head in Support of Britney Spears and Campaign Hire

Florence, SC (APE) – Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today stunned supporters in South Carolina with a newly shaven head at campaign appearances in South Carolina. Clinton claimed that the new look was in support of pop star Britney Spears’ attempt at a brand-new makeover of her life and career. Clinton also took the opportunity to categorically deny that her campaign had essentially offered $200,000 in business towards the consulting firm of State Senator Darrell Jackson in order to receive an endorsement from influential black politicians. Clinton stated that the shorn look was her way of demonstrating that she had nothing to hide.

Speaking at Allen University, a traditionally black college in Colombia, Clinton took questions from the crowd. When asked if she felt that shaving her head and associating with Spears might prove to be a mistake in the long run, Clinton said, “I don’t think so, I can really identify with Britney. I think that if she knew then what she knows now about her former husband Kevin, she certainly wouldn’t find herself in the predicament that she is in now… there would have been no need to shave her head. Perhaps a shaved head is a good way to apologize for your own shortcomings to yourself and others when you just can’t seem to find the words.”

Senator Jackson reaffirmed that the $200,000 business deal had nothing to do with the endorsement of Clinton’s candidacy, but that it would certainly go a long way towards making her the Democratic candidate most likely to win. He further stated that with the same or possibly less financial backing, Illinois Senator Barak Obama would probably look more likely to win.

In a related story, Clinton’s locks have reportedly surfaced for sale on eBay, as well as those of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.