Unconfirmed sources report that TSA is about to roll out even stricter airplane security measures in the wake of UK liquid Bomb threat. According to our source a secret report commissioned by the TSA has determined the greatest security threat facing air planes is dangerous materials hidden in passenger clothing. In response to the findings the TSA has decided to ban all clothing from commercial airplanes. Secretary Chertoff confirmed off the record that “…keeping clothing off the planes and out the airports is the only way to assure security.”
“I’m looking forward to the “Fly Naked Fly Safe Program.” Says Nudists of America President Ben Hertzog. “We have known all along that be naked is a good bet and we are just glad that the rest of America is waking up. Secretary Chertoff is making a wise decision here. A Naked fluy public will be a safer public.”
Experts agree the measures will make air travel safer and possibly ease congestion at the nation’s airports. One airline industry spokesmen said “We are pleased to see the government taking active measures to ensure the safety of the American flying public.” When asked if the measures will adversely affect the airlines our expert said the airlines are taking a “wait and see” stance on the matter. “Once the measures go into effect the airlines will be better able to asses the situation.” he said.