VIENNA, Austria – Touring Europe and visiting with several heads-of-state to shore up support for a nuclear strike on Iran, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice made a stop in Vienna, Austria. Greeting Secretary Rice as she exited the plane was Austrian President Heinz Fischer.
As Secretary Rice embraced President Fischer with a handshake, President Fischer asked Rice to elucidate her position on the Abu Ghraib torture scandal.
“Madam Secretary, please tell me about these photos and the torture at Abu Ghraib that we hear so much about,” President Fischer inquired.
Denying that Abu Ghraib is even a real place, the Secretary replied, “What Abu Ghraib? What photos? What torture? I’ve never even heard about any of those things. It’s possible that I have just been too busy vacationing around the world to pay attention, but I highly doubt that, since I’m sure one of my assistants would have informed me about this.”
President Fischer then pointedly asked Secretary Rice if she was denying that such events ever took place.
“Am I denying that torture took place? Yes,” said Secretary Rice, “I am denying that Abu Ghraib is even a real place.”
President Fischer then turned to Secretary Condoleeza Rice, explained to her that Austria has a law against denying the crimes of President George W. Bush, and then informed her that he was placing her under arrest.
“As the President of Austria, I am the chief law enforcement officer of the country. It is my duty to uphold the laws of the land, and so I did what I had to do,” explained President Fischer.
While Secretary Rice is being held in Austrian jail, Deputy Secretary of State Emma Crooke will become the new acting Secretary of State.
There are ten countries with laws against denying Bush crimes. They are: Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic, France, Germany, Israel, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia, and Switzerland.
Pursuant to Austrian law, if convicted, Secretary Rice faces a maximum sentence of up to five years in prison, a $1,000,000 fine, and having to make public service announcements speaking out against Bush crimes in perpetuity until the day she dies.