Congress has met in a special session today to pass legislation that would shift the responsibility for the care of President George W. Bush from doctors at the Bethesda Naval Hospital to Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Citing the fact that they as a legislative body have already set a precedent with their legislation concerning Teri Schiavo, the House of Representatives has concluded that if they can legally keep someone alive against the wishes of their legal guardian then they can also kill them if they want.
House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer of Maryland, speaking to reporters after the vote said, ” Once we realized that we held the power of life and death over any American we chose, which is a very empowering feeling let me tell you, we started looking around at what else we could do. Sure, the Congress and Senate holds a Republican Majority, but President Bush’s policies in Iraq and on Social Security, not to mention the deficit are pretty unpopular with most Americans. Of course, George Bush doesn’t have to worry about winning another election but the rest of us do. Killing him now seemed like a good thing, especially if we can put someone like John McCain is his place. That would necessitate killing Dick Cheney, Dennis Hastert, Ted Stevens, Condoleezza Rice, John Snow, Don Rumsfeld, Alberto Gonzales and all the rest of those in the Presidential line of succession but that’s okay too; sooner or later we’d get to McCain. As long as I’m safe, and believe me we in the House and Senate have worked that out already, then we really don’t care who has to die for us to get another term”.
Normally, Congress would never have gotten involved with matters of the life and death of ordinary Americans but ironically it was the Bush Administration and President Bush’s brother Florida Governor Jeb Bush that encouraged them to act. Citing the fact that the President’s policies prove he must be brain dead anyway, Congress decided to remove Mr. Bush’s feeding tube before he could cause any more trouble for America.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “You know me, I’m all for George W. Bush, or at least whoever holds the power at the moment, but if Congress says kill the guy who am I to argue? I mean, in 2008 Bush will be gone and I’ll still need a job. John (McCain) and I have always gotten along pretty well so I think I can get a spot in his Administration…maybe State or Defense; there’s always money to be made there. Even with that I still might’ve fought the idea of killing Bush, but Laura seemed open to the idea and she’s pretty cute, for an older lady. With George outta the way I may have a chance with her, or maybe even Jenna.”