Unconfirmed sources report that Congressional leaders have decided to suspend other pressing business and spend all their time meddling in the personal affairs of the Schiavo Family. “The truth is we have absolutely nothing better to do with our time.” Said indicted House leader Tom Delay. The White house has also weighed in and asserted that since there are political points to be scored here they intend to intervene.
“Sure we could be working on the budget, or gutting Social Security, or making fools of steroid popping baseball players, but really there is nothing more important to the country than keeping a permanently brain damaged women alive against the wishes of her husband.” Explained Delay. “We are also drafting a constitution amendment to grant the President the power to save Terri Schiavo and sentence her husband to death for trying to exercise his rights.”
“Its true.” said veteran Washington watcher David Brooke. “Considering all the lousy legislation the Congress has been passed this year, it would be a good thing if the House and Senate got nothing more done until the Schiavo case is resolved. Basically every moment they waste on the Schiavo case is a boon to the average American. The less real work these jokers get done the better.”
“I know to many this intrusion into the personal affairs of a family seems like an awful waste of the governments time, but the President disagrees.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “Mr. Bush has decided that while it is true that dozens of people on feeding tubes are allowed to die each year with no fan fair, this case is different. There are political points to be scored here and it is the duty of politicians to insert themselves in the matter and take advantage of the suffering of others to score political points.”
The President has stated that he would sign the new constitutional amendment, Terri’s Amendment, if it gets to his desk. He has also hinted that if things don’t go his way he may declare a state of emergency and dispatch the National Guard to protect Schiavo.