Connecticut Legalizes Civil Unions for Gays and is Immediately Destroyed By Fire and Brimstone

Unconfirmed sources report that the state of Connecticut has been destroyed. FEMA officials on the scene and indicate that the devastation of the once proud state is utterly complete. The devastation was caused by a massive storm of fire and brimstone that engulfed the state yesterday as the Governor M. Jodi Rell signed legislation letting same-sex couples enter into civil unions and have nearly all rights granted married couples.

“I hate to say I told you so,” said Dr. James Dobson, from the Christen Group Focus on the Family. “but I told you this would happen. The godless people of Connecticut have brought this destruction upon themselves. There is no one else to blame for this disaster of biblical proportions. This should stand as a lesson to others that gay people should be denied equal rights or The Lord will be very upset.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Said Ted Helms, who was near the border when Connecticut was destroyed. “I saw a flash out the corner of my eye and looked over to see a huge column of flames jetting right out of the ground. Then the brimstones started and that was all she wrote. I’m kind of sad about it really, there was a gas station in Connecticut I liked to shop at. They had good donuts.”

FEMA puts the death toll at more than 3.4 million and damage estimates in the trillions of dollars. The FEMA team that landed by helicopter where Hartford was supposed to be found only smoking rubble. Every tree, building, and structure of any type, has been destroyed. The rebuilding of Connecticut is going to be a massive undertaking and is expected to take decades.

The Congress has sprung into action and unanimously passed a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex couples from entering into civil unions and allows for gays to be deported from the US. The president has signed the bill and state legislatures are already approving the measure. The Keep America Safe From Gays Amendment is expected to be approved by late this evening.