Conservative Christian Groups are reportedly “shocked and saddened” by the treatment fellow Gay Conservative Republican Jeff Gannon is receiving from the Liberal Press. Mr. Gannon, whose real name is James Guckert, has recently been the target of numerous informal investigations by various news services and independent web bloggers. It has been recently revealed that the erstwhile reporter for Talon News Service and GOPUSA, both owned by Texas businessman and major Bush contributor James Eberle, who is well known amongst reporters in the White House press pool for his softball questions to Administration Press Secretaries Scott McClellen and Ari Fleischer as well as President Bush himself, has been leading a double life as a Gay prostitute and Conservative Christian/ Republican web commentator.
Festus P. Hymen of Billings, Montana, a rabid Bush supporter and a self described Conservative Christian recently said in an interview, “I think it’s terrible what these damned Liberals are doing to a good man. After all, we Christians believe that God made Mr. Guckert a homosexual as well as a Conservative and it’s sad that these Democrats can’t just live and let live. As for the Gay prostitution issue I say hell, a man’s gotta make a living so he can tithe properly don’t he? If Mr. Guckert’s diddling Army soldiers for cash helps the Church then what’s wrong with it? It’s not like he don’t believe in Family Values or votes Democrat or anything sinful like that.”
Mr. Guckert has denied that his use of a nom de plume had anything to do with an attempt to hide his homosexual prostitution website from the either the White House or his employer Mr. Eberle, saying rather that he felt Guckert was too hard for Republicans to pronounce or spell. Mr. Erbl…Earbl…uh, Eberle, speaking from his Texas Republican Headquarters said, “Well, sure, I believe that. Guckert is too hard to remember; it’s not like he had a name that was easy to remember like mine. I mean, try saying it yourself; which is easier, ‘that fag Guckert’ or ‘that fag Gannon’?”
President Bush has long said that he supports the rights of Gay Prostitutes to have access to sensitive White House documents such as those relating to former CIA agent Valerie Plame, which Mr. Guckert apparently had. The Administration, which is well known for it’s support of Gay Rights and has spearheaded efforts to legalize Gay Christian Prostitution in southern Red States, believing that once Liberal Blue States see that no harm comes out of it in places like Alabama and Mississippi then socially intolerant and backward states like New York and California will realize that their fear of Homosexuals are unfounded.