Couric Debuts With CBS News Exclusive: Arrest of Keith Olbermann

New York, NY (APE) – CBS news woman Katie Couric made her long anticipated debut last night as anchorperson for the network’s flagship evening newscast. Her opening headline was an exclusive CBS report on the breaking story of the arrest of MSNBC news show host Keith Olbermann.

CBS news reported that federal authorities, working closely in conjunction with Fox network security, had taken Olbermann into custody late yesterday, just after the taping of his popular MSNBC “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” show. Olbermann had followed up a controversial editorial from the previous night with a second, calling to question the Bush administration’s recent attempts at muddying history for political gain. He closed the the opinion piece with a historical reference of his own to the McCarthy hearings of the 1950s, asking the president, “Have you no sense of decency, sir?”.

White House spokesperson Tony Snow stated that Olbermann’s arrest was “the culmination of an exhaustive and long-standing clandestine federal investigation into the invasion of Islamo Fascist propaganda into mainstream American media.” He stated that the operation remained secret and that there would likely be further arrests in the coming days.

Couric took the opportunity after the story to reaffirm CBS’s ongoing commitment to quality, unbiased journalism throughout what she hoped would be a long tenure.

Critics praised CBS news for having the courage to lead the broadcast with the report on Olbermann before Couric’s other substantially more popular exclusive piece featuring new pictures of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes new daughter, Suri.

Couric closed the newscast by unveiling her new catchphrase. The winning phrase was chosen from numerous contributions suggested by adoring fans. Borrowing heavily from her predecessor, the adored elderly statesman of television news, Walter Cronkite, Couric closed the broadcast with the phrase, “And that’s the way you’d better think it is…”

The newsroom erupted into a spontaneous standing ovation at the end of the broadcast, with champagne corks popping. Couric was handed a martini, which she proceeded to down in two gulps. She stated that she was looking forward to having another with President Bush during an interview scheduled to occur tomorrow.