Creationist I.D.I.O.T.S. Take a Licking…From a Dog!

Unconfirmed sources report a major set back for the Discovery Institute and it’s fight to reintroduce the creation myth back into American schools. In a show trial staged for the benefit of the Ohio school super intendments association, the newly repackaged creation myth marketed as ‘Intelligent Design’ was shattered during opening arguments by the introduction of crucial evidence never before seen in public.

The Discovery Institute, a right wing evangelical Christian think tank, better know for it’s financial backing of the Flat Earth Society, has been supporting a cause they call ‘Intelligent Design’. Masquerading as a scientific alternative to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution “Intelligent Design” states that the biology of life as we know it is too complicated to have evolved over the Earths billion year history. “The system is so perfect and complicated that only the Lord God could have created such an ‘Intelligent Design'” stated the institute’s Stephen Meyer.

As arguments raged in Ohio The Discovery Institute dispatched its “Intelligent Design Information Outreach Technical Staff”(I.D.I.O.T.S.) to Ohio to battle against Biologists from Case Western University and the Theory of Evolution. Professor Ken Miller, Of Case Western remarked, “The Discovery Institute is looking to turn back the clock and dissolve the barriers between Church and Science.” Another Biologist related to the case suggested these I.D.I.O.T.S. should just go back to Sunday school and leave science in hands of adults.”

The Ohio case began with the I.D.I.O.T.S. claim that the biology of life and nature is perfection and complexity beyond the imagination. “A higher power must be involved to create such perfection. The biological system must be the creation of a super Intelligence.” Bruce Chapman the leader of I.D.I.O.T.S went on explain. “Only god could create a system with such purpose and grace.”

The Defense opened their case with great confidence. “These are compelling arguments if reviewed in the absence scientific inquiry.” Replied Professor Ken Miller. Miller went on to introduce two key pieces if evidence that destroyed the theory of ‘Intelligent Design’ once and for all.

The first item presented was (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) or more commonly known as the platypus. Miller said, “I ask the court. In what so called ‘Intelligent Design’ would a duck billed mammal with webbed feet lay Eggs?”

Professor Miller went on to introduce his own pet, a common domesticated dog. The dog, named Paley, promptly defecated on the court floor them proceeded to lick its testacies. “This animal is living proof that an ‘Intelligent Design’ does not exist!” The courtroom erupted.

Once order was restored the presiding judge his Honor Tom Scopes declared the arguments complete and made the following statement. “I’m a open minded man but I just can’t believe that dog ball licking could be any part of the Lord Gods ‘Intelligent Design.’ Case closed!”