Creationists defeated in Kansas school vote on science teaching

School authorities in the American heartland state of Kansas have delivered a rebuff to subscribers of intelligent design by voting to banish language challenging evolution from new science guidelines.

Reacting furiously to the vote, Rev. Kyle Hingerman, pastor of The Fire and Sword Church of Jesus,in Topeka, lashed out at the State School Board.
“They say we’re descended from a bunch of dirty monkeys!” he fumed. ” How can they deny the unerring, factual, word of God? Don’t they read the bible? Everyone knows that God made a beautiful Caucasian Eve and a handsome Adam, with convenient leaves hiding…er, things!”

“Those lying archeologists, ” he roared, ” …making and hiding fossils to prove their fake case! EVOLUTION!, a filthy and dirty word,” he roared, as the congregation poured out of the church and headed for the local middle school and science teacher Harold Aston.
“Burn the infidel at the stake!” Shouted one parishioner
As the pupils watched in dismay, Aston was dragged out of the classroom and into the schoolyard, where, with a single stroke of the sword he was beheaded by Rev. Hingerman as the the crowd cheered its approval.
“Now let’s find that Charles Darwin guy!” someone shouted.
” Return to the church.” said Hingerman as he wiped his sword. “There’s enough hatred, fear, superstition and blasphemy being spread by these evolutionists. Peace and Love, that’s what we need!”
The congregation returned to the church singing the hymn, ” This is my Father’s World.”