Dan Rather Tasered by CBS Security Outside New York Studio


New York, NY (APE) – Former CBS news anchor Dan Rather was tasered outside of CBS’s New York studios late this afternoon after he had earlier announced his intent to sue his former employer for $70 million. A spokesperson for CBS security stated that Rather, and a group of former newsroom employees had shown up at the dressing room of his replacement news anchor Katie Couric, and burst in demanding that she surrender some of Rather’s personal effects and documents. Couric was apparently blocked from leaving the room but was able to access 911 on her cell phone and record what transpired.

Rather became enraged when CBS security showed up and refused to be escorted off the premises. Rather was physically dragged from the premises by security officers, and as tensions and words escalated, a spokesman for CBS security admitted that Rather was indeed tasered by a security officer on the sidewalk outside the studio. Rather was, at that point, taken into custody by NYPD along with three other individuals who have yet to be named. An apparent profanity laced recording of the incident was confiscated on Couric’s personal cell phone.

Couric later reported that one of them might have been wielding a gun and wasn’t sure, but would be willing to go on record that there was a gun present.

A spokesperson for NYPD stated that Rather, in custody, had not been charged as yet, but that they were looking into the possibility of charging him with kidnapping and threatening with a deadly weapon.

Rather’s legal counsel and family friend stepped forward to insist that the former newscaster was the victim of a setup. “Dan was in the area when he received a phone call from Couric,” stated his attorney. “She insisted that she had found actual type written evidence to back up the assertions made by the late Lt. Col. Jerry Killian in regards to the “sugarcoating” of George W. Bush’s Texas Air National Guard duty. She told rather that CBS was in the process of selling the evidence to Fox news, and that it would be gone by the end of the day.”

A spokesperson for CBS and Ms. Couric denied the allegations, and expressed sadness over what they termed, “late life mental instability” on the part of Rather, further tarnishing his distinguished career.